Teen Fathers ("Father Child") - Why do we expect boys to be men?

It’s been a while y’all. – but here’s part 2 of  -It takes a Village to Raise a Child

In Jill Scott’s “The Fact is (I need you)" – she shares all of the things that she can do. She doesn’t need help with paying her bills, or pumping her gas for her car, she can buy the things she wants, she can kill spiders…etc. these are things that I can do also, really all women can do - but then she goes on to share about needing a man – The fact is that we do need men. Notice I said men, not boys. There is an important distinction. - The following line always struck me: “I can even raise the child we’ll make…make sure he’s loved and knows what God gave, I can teach him how to walk and stand, but he needs you to help him be a man.

We're back to the village raising the child - from part one "Babies having babies" we see the "Mother Child" - now it's time to talk about the "Father Child".  Here's the main problem with the "Father Child" they can so easily walk away from the responsibility of being a father, (note, I know that the "Mother Child" can sometimes do the same, - but let's focus on the boys today)

The sad thing about the teen aged boy and fathering a child is that he's often praised for his participation in creating a child. He's accomplished something because he "hit that". Of course he'll admit that he "hit that", but when it comes time to be responsible, "Man, I don't even know if the kid is mine, you know how she is" Wow, felt enough to make love have sex with her. Those hormones were raging and now that's been taken care of, without a condom (dammit - not using a condom - a topic for later) anyway - the deed is done, the baby has been conceived and what's a boy to do?

When my daughter, Stacey got pregnant at 14 - I was hurt. There was a choice to be made. I never believed in abortion for myself. She had to make her own choice (I believe everyone has to make the decision that is right for them) Anyway - she didn't want to have an abortion, she thought about adoption, but decided it would be too hard to know that she had a child out there somewhere, so we prepared for a new member of our family.

Here's an example of what makes it easy for the boy - I received a call from the other grandmother to be – the father’s mother - I'd never met her, at this point I hadn't even met him. "Well, don't you think it would be easier for her to just get rid of it, cause I know my son ain't gonna do nothing so I'm gonna end up taking care of this baby". WOW! So the Father Child is not challenged to take responsibility.....not even by his parents. Unfortunately, this is not a rarity.

The years explain a lot. – I’ve gotten to know my grandson’s other grandmother over the last 7 ½ years. Her sons’ fathers were never challenged to be responsible in their lives, hence the circle continues. It’s expected that the Father Child will not be a man, but remain a boy.

Don’t get me wrong -I’m guilty of accepting the same thing -Stacey’s father was not present in her life. I vividly remember a conversation that he and I had, when my brother passed away. I was struggling because I couldn’t even afford to buy an outfit to wear to his funeral. I remember saying to Mike (Stacey’s dad) “Just be a man Mike” – He was truly puzzled. He didn’t understand how I could accuse him of not being a man. He wasn’t called to be responsible, therefore he wasn’t.

I’ve shared all of this to say – Parents, we need to break this circle. If you are a "Mother Child" or a "Father Child" – It’s not too late to want to be responsible. It’s never too late to learn to be responsible. We are missing responsible adults in our communities. Open your eyes and want better for your children. Be a true mother or a true father. – Leave the girl/boy behind and own up to your responsibilities.

I don’t know…. What do you think?