Why Risk It?

Venereal Diseases......Oh wait a minute, I'm showing my age....Sexually Transmitted Diseases - there's quite a few out there: Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Herpes, HIV/AIDS etc. The term for all of these diseases describes itself - sexually transmitted diseases, meaning you get them by having sex....unprotected sex. 

 

If you are, or have been sexually active in the past, chances are that you've had one of the STD's listed above. For the most part you can go get a shot or prescription that you need to take for a certain number of days that will clear it up. If it was one of those STD's with the simple remedy, did it make you stop and think about protection the next time you had sex? Unfortunately for some it was more of a confirmation that it was no big deal. "Yeah, I was burning a little when I peed, went to the doc, got a shot - cleared it right up...no biggie." Shame on you! Why would you risk contracting even one of the easily treatable and totally curable sexually transmitted disease? Men! Stop and put on a condom. Women! Stop and insist he put on a condom! Good sex, a 20 minute "ride" (more or less), you can't take out 30 seconds to "wrap it up"? How irresponsible. 

 

CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!

 

Herpes - treatable, manageable,...but do you want it. Back in the day this was the disease that "ruined" lives. When I was in college, my roommate was moving out to move in with her boyfriend. I went with her to look at apartments. In one of the apartments, the previous tenant left some private information. It was a test result, she had herpes. We knew this girl.  She wasn't by reputation particularly promiscuous, but she had the "nasty" disease. (Yep, college days, "nasty disease" we were young). Anyway, we just looked at each other, stunned. This was something that would affect her for the rest of her life. I never saw her on campus the following semester, found out that she'd transferred. I don't know where that girl is today, but I'm sure she learned to deal with her disease. There have been so many advances since that time. Just as there are many advances in HIV/AIDS treatment.

 

CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!

 

The first time I heard about AIDS was in Eddie Murphy's stand-up comedy movie, "Delirious". I recently watched it again for clarification. That portion about AIDS was hilarious back then....not so much now. It's too real to laugh about. Back then, people hadn't seen very many people that they knew suffer, wither away and die. Then it was AIDS - no real mention of HIV, because HIV meant you were ultimately going to get AIDS and die. I had a family member that I loved but didn't know very well because we didn't spend a lot of time together. We were about the same age - early 20's. On the rare occasions that we got together we always had fun. The last time I saw him he was making sure he visited all of his family. He was too weak to even get out of the car. He was always thin, but he'd withered away to nothing. AIDS had ravaged his body. He died shortly after.

 

CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS!

 

Back in the late 80's, I saw a young African American women named Rae Lewis sharing her experience, being HIV positive. She'd contracted the disease when she gave blood. She was 23 at the time and her HIV status quickly turned to AIDS status. (read her story - http://www.theroot.com/views/rae-lewis-thornton-living-aids - if not allowed to simply click the link, please cut and paste into the address line). She shared from her heart her experience, but the thing that struck me so much was when she shared about going to a high school that she'd visited a year earlier. She always started her speech by asking the freshman class to stand up - she'd then say "By the time you graduate, I'll be dead". What broke her heart this particular time was that she asked how many had been present during her presentation the year before. Several people raised their hands. She asked how many had had babies or were pregnant. It broke her heart that some raised their hands. It hurt her that they were not using condoms. I remember her actually breaking down in tears as she shared this story. It was because they didn't seem to understand that they could get AIDS. 

 

I know people that are HIV positive. One person, doesn't know that I know. She was a co-worker when I worked at a hospital. I worked in the Department of Medicine and the Infectious Diseases Division was under our umbrella. I saw her status under a general report that came to our office. As far as I could see - she was healthy and living life - even being HIV positive.

 

One of my dear friends started crying when we were talking about a mutual friend (we'll just call him "X") that I'd just talked to on the phone. "What's wrong?" I asked. "He's been sick" she answered. Unfortunately, knowing he was gay made me jump to the conclusion that it was HIV. She confirmed. "Well how is he now?" I asked. "He's fine now" she replies. Being the "hard" person that I am - "so what are you crying about?" I asked. She regained her composure asked me not to tell him that she'd told me about his status and we went on to the next topic. 

 

Thinking about him later, I became angry. What the hell was he thinking. He knows to use a condom. But what was important was that he was okay. Sometime later, we got together to go to a concert. As we waited for the concert to start, he was just speaking in generality and started sharing about his status, how well he was doing - "You did know that I'm  HIV positive right?" I didn't lie, I told him yes, that I'd known. I asked him not to tell our "mutual friend" because I'd told her I wouldn't tell him that I knew. He thought he'd told me - anyway he's fine.

 

In preparing this blog, I had a conversation with "X", because people that know us may ask if I'm talking about him. There are only two people that I will confirm that it's him, if they ask; other than that - it's really nobody's business. He'd had unprotected sex with a couple of guys, didn't find out till later that they were positive. But in retrospect, he should have used a condom anyway - just because that would have been wise. I felt the need to share about him because he is so close to my heart and his story is so relevant. Yes, he's living with HIV, but of course he would prefer to be disease free. His status is undetectable - meaning that if he was tested today, he would come back negative. He's healthy and living life. (If y'all know me, you know that's my motto "Live Life", well he is.) 

 

Bottom line - It's important that everyone practice "Safe Sex" and be respectful of self. I am encouraged by actor Darryl Stephens. In his video "This is me, Raw" he talks about not having sex with people he doesn't know and respect of self. "For me not hooking up is just as much about my need to connect with someone on an intimate level if I'm being physically intimate with them - it's as much about that as it is about me needing to be honored and my body needing to be respected and if I'm having sex with people who I don't know then I'm not honoring my own body so why would I expect for you to honor my body." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4r7VYAjlQg -   If you cannot click and open this link, please cut and paste into your address line).

 

Okay, can't not do this, can't "go here" regarding HIV/AIDS and not share this topic. I am a Christian and I apologize in advance to all of my Christian friends (not really-because it's my opinion). I feel that the "down low" is a result of fear of not being accepted. I feel that all forms of consensual love are beautiful. (Note: I don't want to debate it with anyone - we can agree to disagree). If a man feels that he cannot be himself in this society and feels the need to be on the "down low" it's not something that I accept or condone but that I understand. He needs to be honest with the men that he hooks up with, especially if he sees more than casual feelings forming. He also needs to be honest with the woman that he chooses to be with. It needs to be her choice if she wants to continue in the relationship. I know women that have relationships with men whose preference is the same sex - it is workable, but in the event they that "stray", they need to be honest and protective of the women that love them.  Men, even if you don't suspect you've been exposed to HIV, use a condom. Women, insist that your man use a condom. 

 

Why this topic today - people are still not getting it! There may not be a lot shared concerning the easily treatable and totally curable STD's today, but guess what - they're still out there, just an "inconvenience" - take care of it and it's over WooHoo!! Yay!!. But, the numbers for HIV infections continue to go up and unfortunately, there are so many out there that don't even know that they are infected. There needs to be a wisdom that takes place. You know the risks are out there. Why are you being foolish with your health. Abstinence is the best way of preventing the spread of STD's - but I know that's  being unrealistic so, use a condom. How many different ways can I say it??? Use a condom - Use a condom - Use a condom - Use a condom - Use a condom......

 

I don't know - What do you think?