I Don't Care.....That I Love You.

Okay, here's the deal, I work really hard for my money. I work 1 full time job and 2 commissioned jobs.  At times, I literally live pay check to pay check. I'm the only one in my household working right now. I support 3 adults (including me) and one child. I'm tired sometimes. I want to splurge but more often than not, my splurge is a bottle of "something to sip on" - just one maybe two within a two week period. A movie? rarely. I've got to wait for "On Demand". Dinner out? every blue moon. A vacation.? No, I usually have a Stay-cation.  I made plans this year to go on a cruise to the Bahamas. I’d started making payments last year. I'd paid for the cruise, I'd paid for the hotel stay for the night before departure and I'd paid my airfare to get to the departure location. But circumstances forced me to cancel and get a refund. I'm really not bitter about that - I do what has to be done.  So where am I going with this?

My daughter has many friends and I'm the "cool" mom so my house has been open for parties and hanging out and I know her friends well enough to have conversations with them. I reflect on the time that I upset one of her friends. She shared with me that her brother was in jail for robbing someone (I know the brother too). I asked her if he was guilty, she said yes. I replied, "Good, then that's where he belongs".  Don't get me wrong, I still love her brother. He's actually one of my favorite people. He's talented, he's funny and he's smart. But the person that he robbed worked for their money. Not fair that he should feel that he has a right to take it from them. Yeah yeah yeah, times are hard - tell me something I don't know (refer to my first paragraph). I don't care that I love him.

I'm not going to research and quote statistics. I know there are many that are in jail for crimes that they didn't commit, I honestly feel sorry for those situations. But I also know of people that committed crimes that they were never charged with but later got caught up in a "wrong place, wrong time" situation. Not guilty of the crime they were convicted of but found guilty none the less. Karma is a bitch.

I have such admiration for parents that turn their kids in when they do something wrong. There was a recent report on the news that included video surveillance of a robbery. The next day there was a follow -up report of a woman that turned her kids in (2 boys) because she recognized them on the video. She said that she had not raised her children to be criminals; they had to do the time. My daughter knows that if she got caught doing something illegal that I would not bail her out. For one thing I couldn't afford it but most importantly, how dare she! I don't care that I love her.

For the most part, I can tell when my child is lying to me. I believe that some parents only see what they want to see. This is such a disservice to our children. At a young age we need to call them out on their mess and not tolerate it. I really feel for families that lose their young loved ones due to a crime they've committed.  An armed 16 year old killed because he pointed a gun at a police officer as he flees the scene of a robbery. 18 year old killed caught in rival gang gun fire. This one really breaks my heart - 3 year old killed in drive by, police received description of - black male between 15 and 20 years old..... It goes on and on and on. Hey remember – girls get caught up in this mess too.

How about this scenario – A teenager has gotten caught up in the drug dealing business, he’s decided he wants to sell weed, make his money on the streets. There are higher ups. He’s not growing the stuff his self, he’s got a contact person that gets him the weed. I believe there are different levels that lead to the top. So say one day his mother finds his stash. She’s a good woman. She’s always worked for her money. She knew something was going on but not sure what. She didn’t raise her child to be a criminal. She flushes the stash. The son comes home, runs out of his room. She looks at him – he looks at her. She tells him – yeah, I flushed it. How dare you bring drugs in my house……..Mom doesn’t understand the streets. She just mourns her baby’s death when he’s killed because the higher ups feel like they’ve been double crossed. 

Don’t be afraid to turn your kids in. It could save their lives. Help them understand that crime will not be tolerated in your home. When your child is in jail, go visit him/her. Let him/her know that he/she is loved. Figure out a solution with your child that will take him/her off the streets. Pray that they want a better life, that he/she feels worthy of a better life, that he/she wants a life off of the street. (Sometimes, they don’t – that’s a topic for another day).

I'm a fan of Twitter and I ran across a recent blog by one of my fellow "Twitterites".  I told him that we think the same, (because this was the next topic in my head for a few days now). When I read his blog I asked permission to share the link with you. (If for some reason you can't open by clicking, please cut and paste into your address line - http://darnellwalker.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/in-spite-of-everything/ ). I thank God that I've not been a victim of a crime, but I think I would feel the same way as Darnell. How dare someone try to take what I've worked so hard for?

There are many people that have raised their kids in the "right" way, but a person is always going to do what they want to do. I hold to what my cousin "V" told me many years ago "I can't tell you what my child will or will not do" She was basically saying that even when we've raised our kids’ right, they still have a mind of their own. They are going to do what they want to do. But we as parents have to make sure that at a young age, they understand that our love doesn't mean that we're going to have a blind eye.

In not caring that you love someone, love them enough to help them understand that, nope, I don't have your back on this one. In not caring that you love someone, love them enough to tell other family members and friends to go to hell when they tell you that you're wrong for not having their back. In not caring that you love someone, love them enough to let them know your heart will be broken when they end up in prison or dead but you will not blame anyone else for the situation that they put themselves in (Yeah, I know there are crooked cops that lie - but not all cops are crooked - sometimes it's warranted - sorry). In not caring enough, love them enough to help them to understand that you will be angry at them if they injure or take a life and cause someone grief out of their selfishness. Care enough to not care that you love them.

I Don't Know - What Do You Think?